Sunday, April 21, 2013

Time to Retire?

Her words apparently struck a hidden nerve inside me.  "I thought you were retired?"  Bishop Coyner 'appointed' me to retirement June 11, 2011.  I know I stepped out of the pulpit on June 12, 2011.  I know my pastoral paycheck stopped June 30, 2011.  It appears I retired. My schedule, church related and travel ministry related, suggest otherwise.  As another friend said, "You aren't retiring.  You are moving to a global ministry."

"Retire"= "to withdraw from one's position or occupation".  In terms of pay I am retired but...I still find myself doing pastoral roles and liking it.  I enjoy leading bible study groups and recently concluded a a 6 week study.  I enjoy doing children's messages one Sunday a month.  I enjoyed preaching the Sunday after Easter.  I enjoy counseling and have recently made myself available in several circumstances.  Does this seem to you that I have 'retired' from my occupation?

I am wrestling with this.  I am wondering if it is time for me to conclude those 'roles' of pastoral ministry.  I missed church this morning...I did not miss church  this morning!  I was wrapped beneath a comforter curled up on a couch listening to birds sing me awake in Evansville.  I heard a whispered voice asking about "Pa Pa".  It was wonderful to be free on a Sunday.

The 4 hour drive home this afternoon gave me time to reflect.  Maybe it is time to choose 'to be free' from all aspects of my vocation, my career, my pastoral ministry.  Maybe it is time to be Norm, wrapping up "Pastor" once and for all.  Just now I recalled I have agreed to be Pastor Norm for a wedding this summer-a wedding that has special meaning and joy for me. I am looking forward to being with the engaged couple this weekend to begin putting the plans together. Perhaps this wedding can be, could be, should be Pastor Norm's curtain call.

I am feeling a longing to lose myself in helping others as Norm.  I am attracted to the possibility of quietly helping in simple ways.  Yet a part of me whispers "you were called".  A part of me keeps pointing out the needs of others.  Springtime speaks of new life and new beginnings-I am wondering if this is the next 'springtime' in my life journey.   

Friday, April 12, 2013

A Summer's Day

For maybe the 1,000th time I ran up the hill to the Reno School playground.  The leather glove on my left hand slapped against my thigh.  My eyes were bright with hope as I jumped from Oak Street onto the worn path in the grass. The infield was a collection of rocks that turned every ground ball into a pinball game as spinning balls bounced crazily leaving bruises.  Base paths were marked only by flat, canvas bags that once were white cornerstones directing runners around the diamond.  The outfield had no fence and well hit balls could roll and roll.  Yet it was our field of dreams.

There they were-the older boys tossing a baseball and kicking at stones.  Two were chosen to pick players for the game that day.  Hand on top of hand gripped the wooden bat until one grasped the knob between finger and thumb.  The choosing began...Kenny, Jerry, Bogan, John.  Nervously I watched and listened for my name to be called.  I was one of the youngest standing there AND one of the shortest.  Many times I was left to sit in the prickly grass on the bank hoping someone had to leave and I could take their place.

One summer's day I heard my name called.  I was picked, chosen, wanted for a team!  What more could a guy want than to be out there playing with the big guys? Could life get any better?  My position was pitcher or, on our field, the target.  I wound up, imagining my fastball would soon smack in the catcher's glove.  I released the ball, heard the crack of ball meeting bat, felt a sharp pain near my temple, and fell to the ground. 

I lay collapsed on the ground, a roaring in my ears.  Where was I?  Who was I?  Blinking my eyes with the speed of hummingbird wings I saw blurs above me, someone calling my name from a far away place.  Then I snapped back to reality.  This wasn't what I had in mind when I ran up that hill!

Since that day I have run towards other fields of dreams.  Sometimes getting on those fields brought pain and experiences I had not intended.  I have had moments when I never saw it coming and found myself in a hurting place.  Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we had it in mind.  If we are fortunate, we will have  others standing close by, checking to see if we are okay.  With the encouragement of our friends we snap back, see the reality, dust ourselves off and ask for the ball.