For maybe the 1,000th time I ran up the hill to the Reno School playground. The leather glove on my left hand slapped against my thigh. My eyes were bright with hope as I jumped from Oak Street onto the worn path in the grass. The infield was a collection of rocks that turned every ground ball into a pinball game as spinning balls bounced crazily leaving bruises. Base paths were marked only by flat, canvas bags that once were white cornerstones directing runners around the diamond. The outfield had no fence and well hit balls could roll and roll. Yet it was our field of dreams.
There they were-the older boys tossing a baseball and kicking at stones. Two were chosen to pick players for the game that day. Hand on top of hand gripped the wooden bat until one grasped the knob between finger and thumb. The choosing began...Kenny, Jerry, Bogan, John. Nervously I watched and listened for my name to be called. I was one of the youngest standing there AND one of the shortest. Many times I was left to sit in the prickly grass on the bank hoping someone had to leave and I could take their place.
One summer's day I heard my name called. I was picked, chosen, wanted for a team! What more could a guy want than to be out there playing with the big guys? Could life get any better? My position was pitcher or, on our field, the target. I wound up, imagining my fastball would soon smack in the catcher's glove. I released the ball, heard the crack of ball meeting bat, felt a sharp pain near my temple, and fell to the ground.
I lay collapsed on the ground, a roaring in my ears. Where was I? Who was I? Blinking my eyes with the speed of hummingbird wings I saw blurs above me, someone calling my name from a far away place. Then I snapped back to reality. This wasn't what I had in mind when I ran up that hill!
Since that day I have run towards other fields of dreams. Sometimes getting on those fields brought pain and experiences I had not intended. I have had moments when I never saw it coming and found myself in a hurting place. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we had it in mind. If we are fortunate, we will have others standing close by, checking to see if we are okay. With the encouragement of our friends we snap back, see the reality, dust ourselves off and ask for the ball.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
"Who's Your Values"
I begin with a disclaimer. I am an old white guy. I am a retired pastor. I am searching my life on Holy Thursday. I am not a native born 'Hoosier'. Any or all of these descriptions of who I am flavor how I look at life. Having said that I would like to share some thoughts in response to a political comment in the morning paper. An elected Indiana statehouse legislator was speaking about a controversial bill moving through the statehouse. In defending his position he commented that his view 'reflected Hoosier values.' He also noted we are a conservative state. I agree that we are a conservative state. However I want to reflect on 'Hoosier values'.
As a state we are wrestling with a number of very controversial issues. Reading Face Book posts last night I noted heated comments on both sides of a number of issues. Is there a 'Hoosier value' for each issue and, if so, should it be the primary guide in our position? The past two days has seen supporters of equal rights for gay couples and for the right to marry use an 'equal sign on a red background'. It left some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
A legislative bill being considered can have serious effects on what many see as a woman's right about her body. The issue of abortion and legislation to sharply limit abortion in Indiana has some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
The challenge to states of how to implement the Affordable Health Care Act has many people seeing RED. Our governor appears to believe the existing state assistance program can effectively care for many people now on Medicaid. This has left some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
First, I am not certain what all constitutes a 'Hoosier value'. Is participation in faith communities a
Hoosier value?' Surveys continue to suggest that somewhere between 1 in 4 and 1 in 3 Hoosiers do not actively participate in a faith community. Yet 'faith' is a clarion call in most of these issues. Is care for the most vulnerable a Hoosier value? Having a daughter who is on disability leaves me wondering. The administration, paperwork, ineffective communication, and layers of contact has to be overwhelming individuals who need assistance. While she has the benefit of Medicare what is going to happen to those needing assistance who will not meet existing guidelines under our current Indiana health plan?
Second, I have a son who is bright, caring, community involved, and gay. Right now, his partner has virtually no rights enjoyed by my wife and I in terms of caring for each other. Hospitalization, shared bank accounts, death deny them the opportunity to be fully involved when one of them is most vulnerable. I want for them the same rights I enjoy in a committed relationship. In terms of the right to marry I believe they ask for a civil right to marry. As a pastor I do not see this as forcing me or any congregation to marry a gay couple. There is a difference between religious and civil weddings.
Third, I appreciate and respect views on all sides of the abortion debate. There is nothing easy when you talk about matters of life and death. I wonder, as an old white guy, how much I fully understand the call for women to have control over their own bodies. I am not in favor of abortion to have abortion. I am in favor of understanding that, at times, abortion may be the right answer for someone. I am concerned by what I see as repressive, politically driven legislation that could deny an abortion when it is the best of hard choices.
Finally, however you stand on any of the above issues is it possible that 'Hoosier values' may not always be the ultimate guide on our response? At times, those who seek to follow the God of all people must risk for the sake of all people. History has shown that what appears to be common, community values is not always the faith response. As I struggle with these issues I take some very good and some confusing 'Hoosier values' and put them against "Who's Your Values". What does God ask of us? "You have already been told what is right and what Yahweh wants of you. Only this, to do what is right, to love loyalty, and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:80. "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." (Luke 10:27).
As a state we are wrestling with a number of very controversial issues. Reading Face Book posts last night I noted heated comments on both sides of a number of issues. Is there a 'Hoosier value' for each issue and, if so, should it be the primary guide in our position? The past two days has seen supporters of equal rights for gay couples and for the right to marry use an 'equal sign on a red background'. It left some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
A legislative bill being considered can have serious effects on what many see as a woman's right about her body. The issue of abortion and legislation to sharply limit abortion in Indiana has some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
The challenge to states of how to implement the Affordable Health Care Act has many people seeing RED. Our governor appears to believe the existing state assistance program can effectively care for many people now on Medicaid. This has left some folks feeling threatened and seeing RED.
First, I am not certain what all constitutes a 'Hoosier value'. Is participation in faith communities a
Hoosier value?' Surveys continue to suggest that somewhere between 1 in 4 and 1 in 3 Hoosiers do not actively participate in a faith community. Yet 'faith' is a clarion call in most of these issues. Is care for the most vulnerable a Hoosier value? Having a daughter who is on disability leaves me wondering. The administration, paperwork, ineffective communication, and layers of contact has to be overwhelming individuals who need assistance. While she has the benefit of Medicare what is going to happen to those needing assistance who will not meet existing guidelines under our current Indiana health plan?
Second, I have a son who is bright, caring, community involved, and gay. Right now, his partner has virtually no rights enjoyed by my wife and I in terms of caring for each other. Hospitalization, shared bank accounts, death deny them the opportunity to be fully involved when one of them is most vulnerable. I want for them the same rights I enjoy in a committed relationship. In terms of the right to marry I believe they ask for a civil right to marry. As a pastor I do not see this as forcing me or any congregation to marry a gay couple. There is a difference between religious and civil weddings.
Third, I appreciate and respect views on all sides of the abortion debate. There is nothing easy when you talk about matters of life and death. I wonder, as an old white guy, how much I fully understand the call for women to have control over their own bodies. I am not in favor of abortion to have abortion. I am in favor of understanding that, at times, abortion may be the right answer for someone. I am concerned by what I see as repressive, politically driven legislation that could deny an abortion when it is the best of hard choices.
Finally, however you stand on any of the above issues is it possible that 'Hoosier values' may not always be the ultimate guide on our response? At times, those who seek to follow the God of all people must risk for the sake of all people. History has shown that what appears to be common, community values is not always the faith response. As I struggle with these issues I take some very good and some confusing 'Hoosier values' and put them against "Who's Your Values". What does God ask of us? "You have already been told what is right and what Yahweh wants of you. Only this, to do what is right, to love loyalty, and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:80. "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." (Luke 10:27).
Friday, August 10, 2012
Wandering August
Like the lightning flashes in the corner of my right eye glimpses of August wander through my mind. I was in Grinnell, Iowa this week. I began a new friendship and was introduced to the Iowa Chop. That pork chop would fill Paul Bunyan! Flying at subsonic speed in my Subaru using my cloaking device (Star Trek geek reference) I avoided the blue and red light specials busy pulling over less fortunate drivers. Mile after mile of gently rolling hills offered me glimpses of tasseled corn and green soybean plants. While I could not see them I knew some of God's people were living just off the concrete ribbon that carries me past them too fast.
Back home I walk in the cool morning (finally) after a night's storm that dumped buckets of rain on my brown, dormant lawn. Scattered blades of green already appear, a lawn awakening perhaps, one blade at a time-kind of like I opened my eyes this morning. Neighbors who faithfully watered their lawns all summer will smile tonight as they see that hint of green in my lawn.
Office curtains brush against my desk and fall back to the window sill like gentle waves lapping against a beach. Gray and black clouds hint at another rain and then cut loose without warning. Water spotted paper is pushed aside as I scramble to close the window I don't want to close. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain! Outside a gang of children are caught in the downpour, soccer game and time on a swing is left behind. Barefoot, riding a bike, balancing a ball, yelling that leaves an echo in my ears as they race for home. "It's just water" I want to say but I probably would run too.
I had felt the shriveling of my soul like the brown stalks of corn in this summer's heat. Amazing what a little rain and cool breezes can do to 'green up' life again. I do believe I see a glimpse green pushing out of the brown, dormant soul I was living with just last week.
Back home I walk in the cool morning (finally) after a night's storm that dumped buckets of rain on my brown, dormant lawn. Scattered blades of green already appear, a lawn awakening perhaps, one blade at a time-kind of like I opened my eyes this morning. Neighbors who faithfully watered their lawns all summer will smile tonight as they see that hint of green in my lawn.
Office curtains brush against my desk and fall back to the window sill like gentle waves lapping against a beach. Gray and black clouds hint at another rain and then cut loose without warning. Water spotted paper is pushed aside as I scramble to close the window I don't want to close. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain! Outside a gang of children are caught in the downpour, soccer game and time on a swing is left behind. Barefoot, riding a bike, balancing a ball, yelling that leaves an echo in my ears as they race for home. "It's just water" I want to say but I probably would run too.
I had felt the shriveling of my soul like the brown stalks of corn in this summer's heat. Amazing what a little rain and cool breezes can do to 'green up' life again. I do believe I see a glimpse green pushing out of the brown, dormant soul I was living with just last week.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Might Have Been
Most of us have those 'might have been' moments. Disappointed in where we find ourselves; depressed at the future we seem to see; sensing lost opportunities-whatever it is, the moment seems to come when we are down on our life.
What might have been if I had not been so shy around that high school girl? What might have been if I had pursued acting? What might have been if I had taken the other church? Whatever it is for me or you, we mentally play out a scenario that seems to be better than what we have. We tend to focus only on a positive what might have been. The danger is we grow even more disillusioned about the 'what is' of our lives.
Think about some of those less than great moments in our lives. What might have been if I had not survived with only scratches from rolling our family car three times? What might have been if I had suffered a concussion or worse when I fell and my head bounced on the concrete porch in Warsaw? What might have been if our van full of youth had not been running late in the Carolinas and we arrived near the interstate bridge just after a fiery crash?
Might have been could go either way. When I find myself drawn to such moments I reflect on the what is because of the path and choices my life has taken. I have a woman who has shared my life and has spent most of her adult life living too far from her family yet she loves me still. I have 5 or 6 children (depending on how you count children) who have grown to be interesting adults. I am filled with pride at how they handle the best and worst moments in their lives. If I could only remember their names!
I have seven incredible grandchildren who call me grandpa, papa, and pa. They can't seem to agree on what to call me, except when I won't do what they want! Each one has given me moments of laughter and wonder and shared love. I have a lifelong circle of friends who love me even if they don't always understand me. With all of this why dip into what might have been?
My hunch is we miss appreciating what we have done and, more importantly, who we have been to others by dwelling on the might have been. My hunch is you have touched lives in ways you never imagined and may never know because of the path you have taken. I don't know what might have been but it is hard to imagine how it could beat the what is of my life shared with so many wonderful individuals who have blessed and bless my life today.
What might have been if I had not been so shy around that high school girl? What might have been if I had pursued acting? What might have been if I had taken the other church? Whatever it is for me or you, we mentally play out a scenario that seems to be better than what we have. We tend to focus only on a positive what might have been. The danger is we grow even more disillusioned about the 'what is' of our lives.
Think about some of those less than great moments in our lives. What might have been if I had not survived with only scratches from rolling our family car three times? What might have been if I had suffered a concussion or worse when I fell and my head bounced on the concrete porch in Warsaw? What might have been if our van full of youth had not been running late in the Carolinas and we arrived near the interstate bridge just after a fiery crash?
Might have been could go either way. When I find myself drawn to such moments I reflect on the what is because of the path and choices my life has taken. I have a woman who has shared my life and has spent most of her adult life living too far from her family yet she loves me still. I have 5 or 6 children (depending on how you count children) who have grown to be interesting adults. I am filled with pride at how they handle the best and worst moments in their lives. If I could only remember their names!
I have seven incredible grandchildren who call me grandpa, papa, and pa. They can't seem to agree on what to call me, except when I won't do what they want! Each one has given me moments of laughter and wonder and shared love. I have a lifelong circle of friends who love me even if they don't always understand me. With all of this why dip into what might have been?
My hunch is we miss appreciating what we have done and, more importantly, who we have been to others by dwelling on the might have been. My hunch is you have touched lives in ways you never imagined and may never know because of the path you have taken. I don't know what might have been but it is hard to imagine how it could beat the what is of my life shared with so many wonderful individuals who have blessed and bless my life today.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Field Day
Beneath a blanket of gray skies and rain drops dotting my glasses I helped turn a field of grass into a field of fun. Moms, Dads, and one Grandpa looked as one when someone said, "Here they come." I don't know if it was meant as announcement or warning! Single file like an army of ants on the move the Kindergartners walked toward us. Organizer and holder of the bullhorn Cindy was doing her best to turn a single file into a circle for "Ring Around the Rosie." The circle kept disintegrating into spontaneous pools of children moving in a thousand different directions. There was finally a moment of calm as the game began only to be replaced by chaos as some children went left and others went right.
Colored circles on their hands were intended to divide them into what I hoped would be more manageable groups of 10 or less. Of course this was built on the assumption they paid attention to their color. I was in charge of the sack race. Fitting young bodies into bags is like stuffing pasta-it tends to go everywhere. And what child cannot not understand the directions of dividing a group of 10 by 2 for two separate races! They hopped, walked, crawled like centipedes, and often fell out of the bags-most not caring who won, just focused on the fun.
In the midst of the chaos and near lack of any control I talked and teased with the children. AND then it happened. They always find you. The ones who move like a moth to a flame, drawn towards the smile on your face, the gentle touch of your hand on their shoulder, and the recognition that you see them as somebody. I found myself with a shadow, not worried about what color was on his hand, who seemed to be one step behind me at all times. I nearly stepped on him twice. A young girl giggled and bounced off of me with a smile that brought sunshine to a cloudy day.
They always find you-people of all ages that could use some affirmation, some recognition that they are somebody, or who simply need some more human caring contact. I had a great time but I am getting too old for this! Sitting on my patio as the sunlight slipped behind my roof and the moon grew more visible in the fading light Field Day came back to me. It came with a smile for my face and a question for my heart: Am I always ready to be found?
Colored circles on their hands were intended to divide them into what I hoped would be more manageable groups of 10 or less. Of course this was built on the assumption they paid attention to their color. I was in charge of the sack race. Fitting young bodies into bags is like stuffing pasta-it tends to go everywhere. And what child cannot not understand the directions of dividing a group of 10 by 2 for two separate races! They hopped, walked, crawled like centipedes, and often fell out of the bags-most not caring who won, just focused on the fun.
In the midst of the chaos and near lack of any control I talked and teased with the children. AND then it happened. They always find you. The ones who move like a moth to a flame, drawn towards the smile on your face, the gentle touch of your hand on their shoulder, and the recognition that you see them as somebody. I found myself with a shadow, not worried about what color was on his hand, who seemed to be one step behind me at all times. I nearly stepped on him twice. A young girl giggled and bounced off of me with a smile that brought sunshine to a cloudy day.
They always find you-people of all ages that could use some affirmation, some recognition that they are somebody, or who simply need some more human caring contact. I had a great time but I am getting too old for this! Sitting on my patio as the sunlight slipped behind my roof and the moon grew more visible in the fading light Field Day came back to me. It came with a smile for my face and a question for my heart: Am I always ready to be found?
Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Sound of Silence
"There is more silence in one person than can be used in a single human life"-Max Picard. I have been wrestling for some time about the countless words I have said and written. I have felt a growing need to 'shut up'. We are bombarded with "noise, noise, noise" (apologies to Dr. Seuss). I have decided to take a sabbatical from contributing to the noise. I need to use some of that silence I have kept stored up in me all these years. I want to thank all of you who have been my caring critics and the compliments you have offered to my writing and speaking. It is time for me to listen and to walk in the stillness of life.
Friday, April 13, 2012
"Gunfight at the Not OK Corral"
One of my all time favorite western movies is "Tombstone", released in 1993. Set in Tombstone, Arizona the Earp Brothers and Doc Holliday have a shootout at the OK Corral with some members of the Clanton Gang. In the movie there is no doubt about who the good guys and the bad guys are. In a dusty, tension filled scene they face each other, hands resting on their guns. Doc winks at one of the bad guys and, in reaction, the shooting fills the air. Nothing is really settled that day but conflict fills the rest of the film. The good news is the bad guys lose.
As the primary presidential political dust seems to be settling I wonder if we are headed for a "gunfight at the Not OK Corral." The 'war chests' are well stocked with cash, the ads will run over and over and over again, and the 'shooting' at the character of the opposing party candidate will be mean. And I do not think it is going to take a wink to start the fight.
The dilemma I have is-who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? While I have a definite political perspective and will work to have one of them win I am disappointed at the way both sides will portray the other candidate as 'the bad guy.' Is either candidate really a bad person? We may disagree with their political perspective but I will not call either of them evil or criticize their person. Yet that is likely to happen in the media coverage, in the 'talking heads' television and radio shows, and too often in our own conversations.
I am concerned that, beginning in May, our political landscape will take us to the Not OK Corral where winning is everything. Ads will fly like bullets and shooting will continue until November. Half-truths, edited quotes taken out of context, and often frightening talk about will happen to America if the other guy wins will be the weapons this time. When the dust clears and the voting polls close will the good guys or the bad guys win? And how will I know?
"Tombstone" is one of the few films I will watch again and again. "Campaign 2012-Gunfight at the Not OK Corral" is a film I will be glad is over and gone from the screen of American life. The meanness of the current political environment will likely produce a film few will enjoy.
As the primary presidential political dust seems to be settling I wonder if we are headed for a "gunfight at the Not OK Corral." The 'war chests' are well stocked with cash, the ads will run over and over and over again, and the 'shooting' at the character of the opposing party candidate will be mean. And I do not think it is going to take a wink to start the fight.
The dilemma I have is-who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? While I have a definite political perspective and will work to have one of them win I am disappointed at the way both sides will portray the other candidate as 'the bad guy.' Is either candidate really a bad person? We may disagree with their political perspective but I will not call either of them evil or criticize their person. Yet that is likely to happen in the media coverage, in the 'talking heads' television and radio shows, and too often in our own conversations.
I am concerned that, beginning in May, our political landscape will take us to the Not OK Corral where winning is everything. Ads will fly like bullets and shooting will continue until November. Half-truths, edited quotes taken out of context, and often frightening talk about will happen to America if the other guy wins will be the weapons this time. When the dust clears and the voting polls close will the good guys or the bad guys win? And how will I know?
"Tombstone" is one of the few films I will watch again and again. "Campaign 2012-Gunfight at the Not OK Corral" is a film I will be glad is over and gone from the screen of American life. The meanness of the current political environment will likely produce a film few will enjoy.
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