The Sound of Silence

"There is more silence in one person than can be used in a single human life"-Max Picard.  I have been wrestling for some time about the countless words I have said and written.  I have felt a growing need to 'shut up'.  We are bombarded with "noise, noise, noise" (apologies to Dr. Seuss).  I have decided to take a sabbatical from contributing to the noise.  I need to use some of that silence I have kept stored up in me all these years.  I want to thank all of you who have been my caring critics and the compliments you have offered to my writing and speaking.  It is time for me to listen and to walk in the stillness of life.

"Gunfight at the Not OK Corral"

One of my all time favorite western movies is "Tombstone", released in 1993.  Set in Tombstone, Arizona the Earp Brothers and Doc Holliday have a shootout at the OK Corral with some members of the Clanton Gang.  In the movie there is no doubt about who the good guys and the bad guys are.  In a dusty, tension filled scene they face each other, hands resting on their guns.  Doc winks at one of the bad guys and, in reaction, the shooting fills the air.  Nothing is really settled that day but conflict fills the rest of the film.  The good news is the bad guys lose.

As the primary presidential political dust seems to be settling I wonder if we are headed for a "gunfight at the Not OK Corral."  The 'war chests' are well stocked with cash, the ads will run over and over and over again, and the 'shooting' at the character of the opposing party candidate will be mean.  And I do not think it is going to take a wink to start the fight.

The dilemma I have is-who are the good guys and who are the bad guys?  While I have a definite political perspective and will work to have one of them win I am disappointed at the way both sides will portray the other candidate as 'the bad guy.'  Is either candidate really a bad person?  We may disagree with their political perspective but I will not call either of them evil or criticize their person.  Yet that is likely to happen in the media coverage, in the 'talking heads' television and radio shows, and too often in our own conversations.

I am concerned that, beginning in May, our political landscape will take us to the Not OK Corral where winning is everything.  Ads will fly like bullets and shooting will continue until November.  Half-truths, edited quotes taken out of context, and often frightening talk about will happen to America if the other guy wins will be the weapons this time.  When the dust clears and the voting polls close will the good guys or the bad guys win?  And how will I know?

"Tombstone" is one of the few films I will watch again and again.  "Campaign 2012-Gunfight at the Not OK Corral" is a film I will be glad is over and gone from the screen of American life.  The meanness of the current political environment will likely produce a film few will enjoy.

Of Mallards and Easter Eve

I could not believe my eyes.  Glancing out a back window I saw them strolling through the grass-the male with his glistening green head and the female a few steps away blending into the grass with her mottled light brown feathers.  Why would a pair of mallards be in my backyard?  Cautiously, under the watchful eye of her mate, the female moved beneath my bird feeders and began to eat the seed on the ground.

Days later it was all my two grandsons could do to sit still on the swing as the female landed in the grass by the lilac bushes.  When she felt safe, she began to feed.  We watched in wonder as her beak gobbled up the seed and slight shivers in her neck sent the food down to her stomach.

This Saturday morning, the day before Easter Sunday, I spotted her as I picked up the morning paper.  She was sitting on the peak of a neighbor's house-a living weather vane.  I gave her little thought until the afternoon when I saw the empty feeders.  Scooping out the seed from the quickly emptying 40 pound bag in the garage I filled them.  It costs a lot to feed birds, let alone a mallard duck!  It wasn't long before the picky birds were back, searching for seed they liked and flicking the rejected seed to the ground.

It was then that she silently swooped in, her shadow brushing over my face.  Her eyes, black pinpoints in a feathery brown body, watched me.  Looking at her left me wondering what she was thinking.  I did not pick her, she picked me.  Uninvited she doesn't sing in the morning or at dusk.  But she needs to eat too.

On this Easter Eve, in the first moments of Easter Day, my thoughts are drawn to Jesus who was a 'God-bearer' who came to feed all people with the promise of love, life, and community.  Jesus didn't sort out who got to eat with him or listen to him or walk with him or even die with him.  He simply put love out there, even on a cross.  I did not pick him, he picked me.  It occurs to me the Church (myself included) is often more like me than Jesus.  I want to decide who can feed in my yard.  What do we do with the uninvited?

Easter is about what to do with the uninvited, the ones we do not pick to love but who still need to be fed.  On this Easter Eve I hope I am helping a pair of mallards watch over eggs bearing the promise of new life.  On this Easter Eve I pray I am helping the too often uninvited to be loved that new life might stir for them.

"Every Once in a While"

I should be in bed!  I watched the Oscars tonight for the first time in many years; in part because I control my work schedule now.  That is, except for the care of my life partner who will need me to get up at some point during the night to help with post surgery care.  I will never receive an Oscar for the recurring role of Nurse Norm but I find joy in being there for her.

I know many people did not, would not, and cannot watch the Oscars.  It is time for confession (the pastor said this morning confession could be good for us-I actually was listening!).  As a child I spent many hours playing roles, some in my mind and some with my friends.  I was Clark Kent to my neighbor Carol's Lois Lane.  Much like Clark in the Superman television role, others could not see me as Superman.  I managed teams and made winning plays using baseball cards laid out on my bed.  A pencil and marbles became bat and balls.  I even kept scorecards for each game.  I often think I was born a dreamer in search of answers. 

One of my dreams was to be an actor.  "The Mouse That Roared" was one of my shining moments on the stage-high school, that is.  I sat in Grandpa Boyles' house and was drawn into the scariness of "The Thing" on his black and white television (I really am that old).  007 was a fantasy of what I could do to make things right.  And "In Cold Blood" took me into a disturbing world I did not know existed where you might never be able to make things right.  Years later I realized I would never be, in the laugh-at-yourself voice of Jon Lovitz, "The Master Thespian."  I was moved to tears by "Good Morning Vietnam."  I still can feel the sadness and irony of a country visually exploding in violence and death while Louis Armstrong's voice could be heard singing "It's A Wonderful World."

During the Oscars they showed a clip of movie folk talking about what makes a great movie.  One of them said "Every once in a while you find the truth."  What movie woke you up to a truth for your life, a truth about life, a truth worth risking your life to make it happen?  I wanted to be an actor for lots of reasons. One was because I believed I could help myself and others see new realities.  The right words, the well chosen words, even the silly words could reveal the truths I sought.

Well, as my readers know, I ended up on a smaller stage and played a singular role.  I was not well cast as "The Preacher" and I fearfully stepped out onto that stage Sunday after Sunday.  Rarely confident I had any word for others I hoped that every once in a while those listening found a truth.  It is the power of film, great films tucked in a sea of silly films.  It is the power of the spoken word to grab you and leave you moved to a new understanding.

Maybe in truth we are all 'actors' on the stage of our lives; actors in search of a role that gives life, wonder, joy, and meaning.  If we are lucky we find some answers we discover as truth.  If we are willing to share the stage with other actors they reach inside our 'role' and pull us out into the discovery that it can be a wonderful world even in the raw, painful moments (I am really good at run on sentences).  I should be in bed!  "Good night, Mrs. Calabash wherever you are!"

"$4 Gas-Really?"

I am almost afraid to drive past my gas station more than once a day.  I don't know if I am causing it but every time I drive by it seems the price of gas goes up.  Now there is talk (again) of $4 gas this summer.  And gas prices appear to be poised to be the next political fear factor.  Really?

It is reported there are gas stations near Disney World charging $5.89 NOW.  I don't know if this is true but, in the spirit of the political season, I will not let that stop me from saying it is true.  A politician promises that, if he is elected president, gas will cost no more than $2.50 a gallon.  He suggests the re-election of the current president will lead to even higher gas prices-fear factor! 

I have been fortunate to have visited a number of countries the past 6 months.  On average drivers in those countries are paying $5.50-$6.50 in US dollars for a gallon of gas and have been for some time!  Oil is a global commodity and we are part of a global world.  To suggest we can control the price at the pump by ourselves is foolish.  I don't like paying more for my gas but I will not allow it to become a fear factor in my voting decisions.  This is not simply an American issue and, in fact, we have it better than most of the world.  Pandering to my fears is not helpful to the larger political issues our country faces.

Fear Factor may be okay for a television show but not for our future as a society.  Fear divides instead of uniting.  The NYPD is in the news for a large scale surveillance of the Muslim community.  This was done in the name of protecting the city.  Assuming you have done nothing wrong how would you like someone writing down your car's license plate number and taking your picture when you go to church on Sunday?  "Muslim", for some, is a fear word that justifies questionable actions.

The religion of our current president has been raised again.  It has been suggested he might not be a 'Christian' or, at the least, he does not live as the Bible says we should live as followers of Jesus.  Sure thought I read somewhere about 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone.'  Playing to fears divides us.  Demonizing those who do not share our views or agree with us is not helpful.

Address the issues that matter to us as a nation.  1.46 million Americans are NOW living on $2 a day.  "Fracking" for oil has serious environmental concerns beyond the price at the pump.  Young men and women continue to serve our country and die in multiple countries.  The world economy has tremors we feel in
America.  Economists suggest what we have enjoyed as 'the American way of life' will not ever be the same again.  Who will address the larger, crucial matters without resorting to playing on my fears?  $4 gas is the political subject of the day-REALLY?

"What Do We Expect?"

I usually an amused or bemused by comments from television 'talking heads.'  Sometimes they are so over the top I cannot ignore the comments.  This is one of those times.  Over the weekend Liz Trotta (well known for her often controversial views and comments) commented on a reported dramatic increase in the number of sexual assaults in our military.  She made these comments: "Now what did they expect?  These people are in close contact." and "women in the military are being raped too much (italics mine)."

I know, or at least I believe, she is a minority voice about this serious issue in all areas of our lives.  I could dismiss this as an 'out there' view not shared by others.  However, having worked with 'words' most of my adult life I have seen the power of spoken words to hurt or help others.  Given that we continue to struggle with issues of respect and responsibility I offer the following observations.

One, seriously-"being raped too much?" Is there some kind of rating scale where we can tell when women are being raped too little, just enough, or too much?  One rape is too much!  One life scarred by such a traumatic event is too much.  Where do these fall on such a scale: a young girl is raped in a high school bathroom; a college coed is stalked and raped outside her dorm; a young woman on a date is sexually assaulted in a car; and an elderly woman in her own bedroom is attacked and raped?  There is no scale for such behavior.  Tragically we still struggle as a society with perceptions that impact behavior between genders.  Personal responsibility and societal tolerance of 'levels' of such behavior are part of our life together.

Two, seriously-'what did they expect?" I know what I expect.  I expect everyone, male and female, to treat each other with respect!  To value another person calls us to relate to them in ways that are not demeaning, harmful, or a dismissing of their intrinsic worth as a human being, a child of God.  Men and women, boys and girls are in 'close contact' all the time.  Whether it is in our homes, in schools, on sports teams, in community organizations, in churches, or the military 'close contact' is NOT PERMISSION to violate another person!

We cannot, without risk to our sense of being a human family, ignore such comments or dismiss them as simply the foolish comments of someone.  I respect and support the right of free speech for everyone.  I also expect responsibility when we exercise our free speech.  Thinking more carefully and clearly before we speak (one of my BIG problems) helps us preserve our sense of respect for all and strengthens the human family.

Ordinary Days

Tonight I read Psalm 4 from the bible as translated by Eugene Peterson.  The passage concludes with these words: "Why is everyone hungry for more? 'More, more', they say, 'More, more.'  I have God's more-than-enough, More joy in one ordinary day Than they get in all their shopping sprees.  At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep.  For you, God, have put my life back together."

In the midst of worrying over tomorrows, re-thinking yesterdays, and coping with any day I do well to be reminded of the gift of ordinary days.  Today was an ordinary day, just what I needed.

Seconds before the alarm pulled me from bed I could hear the steady, slightly noisy breathing of my wife laying beside me.  It is a good sound.  I went to the grocery store and played bumper carts with surly and smiling people.  When I checked out my grocery bill for the week was $74.01 (not necessarily an ordinary order total).  Grandsons Aiden and Parker were here for the afternoon and evening.  Getting out of the car heading into Chili's Aiden did his best to catch the wet snowflakes on the tip of his tongue.  He brought back memories of many years ago as he contorted his face in a mostly futile effort.

After dinner I was in my office at home when Parker wandered in looking for me.  He spotted my monkey nesting cups on a shelf.  When he picked them up I showed him how to twist one open exposing the monkey inside.  For a half-hour he took them apart and put them back together.  His eyes glowed and a smile spread across his face as he moved the bananas in the last tiny monkey to other sizes.

I slipped into the bedroom hearing Cheryl's voice-"Don't tell me you are going in there to watch television and leave me with these two boys?"  I replied, "Fringe is one of the few shows I watch." Sprawled on the bed with only the light of the television set I lost myself in this sci-fi show.

"More joy in one ordinary day...ready for sound sleep...for you, God, have put my life back together."