Time to Retire?

Her words apparently struck a hidden nerve inside me.  "I thought you were retired?"  Bishop Coyner 'appointed' me to retirement June 11, 2011.  I know I stepped out of the pulpit on June 12, 2011.  I know my pastoral paycheck stopped June 30, 2011.  It appears I retired. My schedule, church related and travel ministry related, suggest otherwise.  As another friend said, "You aren't retiring.  You are moving to a global ministry."

"Retire"= "to withdraw from one's position or occupation".  In terms of pay I am retired but...I still find myself doing pastoral roles and liking it.  I enjoy leading bible study groups and recently concluded a a 6 week study.  I enjoy doing children's messages one Sunday a month.  I enjoyed preaching the Sunday after Easter.  I enjoy counseling and have recently made myself available in several circumstances.  Does this seem to you that I have 'retired' from my occupation?

I am wrestling with this.  I am wondering if it is time for me to conclude those 'roles' of pastoral ministry.  I missed church this morning...I did not miss church  this morning!  I was wrapped beneath a comforter curled up on a couch listening to birds sing me awake in Evansville.  I heard a whispered voice asking about "Pa Pa".  It was wonderful to be free on a Sunday.

The 4 hour drive home this afternoon gave me time to reflect.  Maybe it is time to choose 'to be free' from all aspects of my vocation, my career, my pastoral ministry.  Maybe it is time to be Norm, wrapping up "Pastor" once and for all.  Just now I recalled I have agreed to be Pastor Norm for a wedding this summer-a wedding that has special meaning and joy for me. I am looking forward to being with the engaged couple this weekend to begin putting the plans together. Perhaps this wedding can be, could be, should be Pastor Norm's curtain call.

I am feeling a longing to lose myself in helping others as Norm.  I am attracted to the possibility of quietly helping in simple ways.  Yet a part of me whispers "you were called".  A part of me keeps pointing out the needs of others.  Springtime speaks of new life and new beginnings-I am wondering if this is the next 'springtime' in my life journey.